Fun with Google Analytics (Cinco de fun-o)

If you don't know what that means, go here for enlightenment. 

futurelint shoes 
 I do not, as yet, have my own line of shoes. Believe me, I will let you know if this changes. I was considering apprenticing for a cobbler this summer, just because I thought it would be interesting... perhaps next summer!

bppt scooting dress
 I do not know what this is, but I'm picturing a maxi dress that is attached to a Razr scooter and it is hilarious.

coolest diy jeans
 Thank you! I don't think that they are THE coolest, but they're pretty cool, I guess.

great big ta ta's
 Nooooooooo... Google, you stop directing pervs with incorrect punctuation to my blog!

how to wear pumpkin skirt
 Hmm, it would need to be a huge pumpkin, it would be heavy and slimy and stinky, and I imagine you would need some pretty hardcore suspenders to keep it up... good luck!

maude cartoons
 If you are referring to Maude of "Harold and Maude," then I'm not sure that exists... so I drew a quick 5 minute cartoon of her just for you!

the future lint ( i have nothing to wear)
 I enjoy it when people add "the" to things unnecessarily... I once dated a guy named Bob and I ALWAYS referred to him as "The Bob" because I couldn't accept the fact that his name was Bob. I would tell you his last name, because it made his first name hilarious and hard to accept, but I don't want to throw ex-boyfriends names all over the internet. I'll just say he was one letter away from being The Sausage King (not just of Chicago, Abe Froman).

vacation outfits- for nerds
 Just your regular clothes, but with a lot of SPF 50 and some clip-on sunglasses.

60s shoes 11
 Finding large vintage shoes is near impossible, so keep an eye out for centaurs, leprechauns, and the tooth fairy while you're at it.

embarrassed to wear a majorette uniform
 I know. I would be too... the old school ones were adorable...

but the new ones are more... a sequin nightmare.

group envogue t shirts
 If you have one for me, I will rock it proudly.

i have a white skirt but nothing to wear
 Liar. You have a white skirt, you JUST TOLD ME SO!

i have nothing to wear + muscle
 Then take an old t-shirt, rip the sleeves off, and there you go. New shirt. Just like Mac.

devils horses
 Sound horrible! That's for adding that to things that will now show up in my nightmares on a regular basis.


thumbtack in the foot
 Take it out.  Wash the wound. Cover it with a band-aid. Make sure you've had a tetanus booster sometime in the last 10 years. Stop stepping on tacks.

wear boots in korea

Most def happens. I am sad to report that there, as in the USA, Uggs are a prevalent outbreak, which must be contained and then destroyed. 

"bitchy orange" "michael kors"
 True. Facts. That is why I love him.

jack skellington is my boyfriend
 Hi Sally! Are you as annoyed as I am that The Nightmare Before Christmas got highjacked by emo kids at Hot Topic? Grrr...

stealing from j. crew
 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I got a rep to protect. Stop slandering me on the internet. There is "stealing" from J. Crew and then there is actual stealing. Respect the difference. 

Let's Play with Google Analytics (Genus IV)

If you don't know what that means, go here for enlightenment.

i m wearing a leather skirt
Good for you! I've only worn one once, but I just bought a kelly green one at the thrift store, but I probably won't wear it till fall.

minnesota twins "vintage jacket" 
This one is not funny on it's own. But I think it's pretty funny that the person looking for this jacket then spent 1 hour and 18 minutes on my blog and looked at 23 pages of content. I'm riveting!

"hag"
Thanks Google. Really.

"satin pants"   
Are one of the few things I don't own...thankyouverymuch

90s cruise wear
I think any of the original cast of 90210 can help you there, living in California is like living on a giant cruise ship, yes? Just substitute a one-piece swimsuit for whenever they are wearing a bodysuit and I think you've adapted the look for the high seas.

asian granny
I am not.

deadly bunny shirt
Why does everyone I've barely met ask me to make custom shirts? Now I know what graphic designers are talking about when they say 90% of the "jobs" offered are actually just favors...
 
diy tick shoe
Don't make shoes out of ticks... please? Lyme Disease is serious business, don't you remember the Real World Seattle? Lyme Disease made Irene a bitch.

do you ever feel like you have nothing to wear
Constantly. Then I tell myself to grown up and start digging in the back of the closet.

does micheal cuddyer wear a necklace
Hmm, he wasn't when I met him... if he does I'll try to dissuade him from doing so next time we are, you know, hanging out.

 

girliest things to wear

I'm gonna go with poofy wedding dress with a crown.

google wear
No Google, I will not plaster your name across my clothes so just stop trying!

how much do geek glasses cost for blind people
Um, what? I guess if blind hipsters want some Buddy Holly frames, well, more power to them.

how should i dress for future day with clothes that i already have?
Is "future day" a dress up day for like Homecoming week at your school? Seems to me that in most depictions of the future people are wearing silver and jumsuits. So... this? You own this, yes?

how to dress a tiger
Legally, I cannot encourage you to try to put clothes on a tiger. Off the record - I think a sailor suit would be cute though.

how to get rid of the lint in my room
Please, someone get on this one... Martha Stewart? Science? It's not necessarily lint, but like dust, dust bunnies... now that I have hardwood floors I see how much shit seeps into your carpet every day and it is gross. However, I'm also really tired of sweeping every two days. Someone, get me some sort of lint lazer? I'm seriously considering just buying a Roomba. DJ Roomba. God help me.

how to love a boyscout
This is only appropriate if you are said boyscout's parental unit or you are also of boy/girl scout age... we don't need none of this on my blog:

how to make a fab oolala rave dress
I feel like ravers enjoy three things: bright colors, soft things, and lasers. So make a dress out of sequined neon velvet. Done.

how to use a bidet
I have never used one... they scare the bejeezus out of me!

how to wear yellow rodarte target skirt
Here is how I wore mine:

Perhaps I'll wear it again this week!

i have nothing green to wear for st patrick's
That's fine... I wore orange, which was apparently a somewhat political statement... but no one cared.

i wear a rubberband to remember
Remember what? That you love rubberbands?

it 10 in the morning and i have nothing to do
This person stayed on my site for 8 minutes... glad to have helped you pass part of your day!

jokes about having nothing to wear
This is very serious business. Jokes would be tasteless.

kurt von icker
I don't know who that is! Sorry! Googling him turned up nothing, perhaps you could name something that? Like your pet or car?

ladytranny
Nice terminology! Dolly approves!

men wearing nightgowns
Nightgowns in general suck... I wore them as a kid and I remember waking up all twisted up in them and feeling very constricted... also they were itchy thick wool? but I remember one had Lazy from the Smurfs on it so, you know, it wasn't all bad.

my dentist says you don't have to wear rubber bands anymore?

Thank your dentist for me. Then tell him I never wore rubber bands anyway. Rebel, rebel.

necklace made out of lint
Sounds grooooooosss. I am all for recycling though, so you are welcome to try it!

tobias funke sweater
If I knew how to knit better I would make you one... preferably one where he is looking like this:

what do people who work at bojangles wear
Is bojangles a place? Will you take me there? Will you buy me a jangle?

what to wear when it's cold outside to a bar
I'm gonna go with coat... or jacket, yeah jacket. No, coat, coat's better.

world cup proper outfit to wear
Sporting events have pretty lax dress codes... I'd dress as a football hooligan though, then go join in a rioooooooot!

www.villager prissing boob
No comment. Stop Googling nonsense.

"glasses now" or "glasses since" or "contacts now" or "contacts since" or "contact lenses now" or "contact lenses since" -"3d" site:blogspot.com

Oh my, you're a spammer, aren't you? Go away, nowz.

what episode does go minam get wet with a toilet
I met a girl named Minam in Korea. Here we are at dinner! I assure you she did not get wet with a toilet while I was with her.

little orphan annie ladies nighty
Ick! You're a perv! You don't bang Little Orphan Annie!

"angus young"+cheerios
Occasionally these two clash in my kitchen, if I am listening to the radio while eating breakfast.

girliest boy is me
Hooray! Did you get a crown? Sash? Scepter?

tromp l'oeiel screen printing
Guh... I know, I know, I'll get on it but some of us have too many jobs and hobbies and obligations to cater to your whims in a timely manner... I'll do it eventually though. I swear. By the moon and the stars and the sun.

Let's play with Google Analytics (third times the charm)

Alright doods, it's time for more fun with Google! (confused? answers here) I'm going to try to keep up on these and do like one a month because the last one was, as my friend Amy would say, OCBA (Out of Conrol Bad Ass) and waaaay too long for one post. Plus, it gives me something to post on weekends when I am too busy living a non-digital life to bother with blogging!

i have nothing notes
   well you can't copy off me! I'm telling!

"hilarious dog names"
   Hmm, I've never had a dog but if I did, I think Tobor Fancypants would be a hilarious name (Tobor is robot backwards and a fine pet name, I think!)  Also, it was not a dog but I thought it was really funny when Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia stole a horse from a jockey and named him Peter Nincompoop, so there's always that too

"socks - target"
   Yes, they do in fact sell socks at Target, but shhh, I'm not the one who told you. Let's keep this info on the DL, K?

dinner to go and nothing to wear
   I guess if you are having dinner to go, you could just roll in in a trench coat to pick up your food, just make sure it's not too windy, I don't want you to get a banned from The Green Mill.


does pebbles have pretty dresses?

   I think she just has the one, and it kinda looks like shit to me... learn how to hem Wilma, you're whole family looks ragged, you're a terrible mother.


future lin t
   Futurelint can be one word or two, three is where I draw the line, you are BANNED! Come back, one year!

i have nothing to wear leggings with
  Rolling around town in leggings as pants is perfectly acceptable in modern America, which is why I am going ex-pat in a time machine

i have nothing to wear on my birthday
  They don't call it a birthday suit for nothin' honey

i have nothing to wear on picture day for 11 year old
   I think it would be hilarious to wear a tube top - a girl at my high school did that for her senior portrait and it looked like she was totally naked! = hilarious!

i would rather be riding baby
   You can't ride a baby! Even if this is like a giant Shaq baby and you are small, this is a bad idea. Besides, you'll never get the saddle on.

if you wear same colors and what you can pick like i'am a pumkin
   I suspect you are missing some teeth, yes?

quickly shortening a dress
  Noooooo! Put down the scissors. Put down the stapler. Didn't you see that Pebbles picture up there? Save the dress for another day and do a proper hem. Please.

keeping lint off pants
   IMPOSSIBLE! Only superheros...

Yep, not a speck o' lint or dust on the bunch.

my kitchen today blogspot
   My kitchen is totally abandoned most of the day... although I may venture down there to make a waffle for lunch later.  Then I'll screenprint some shirts on the kitchen table... it's really not a very happening place.

redheads wear black
 Not much...

sixties ballerina style shoes
   I feel like ballerina shoe styles haven't changed in like 200 years... wait, are you talking about Mary Janes??

tigar dresses
   Learn to spell! Wait! Did I spell it "tigar" somewhere???? Google, you are freaking me out!!! Must go proofread 1.5 years worth of blog posts for spelling and grammar errors... will return in a few days.

what did people wear in the black death
   I'm gonna go with filthy rat-gnawed rags?

what to wear in norway in march
   I'll check with my grandma, but I think it depends on if we're talking the 1st or the 31st... I suspect that whole lion/lamb thing is actually true there, just like in the midwest!

what to wear to the movies blogspot
   Most movie theaters don't have a dress code... I think you should dress up like someone in the movie you are going to see! Every single time, not just for Harry Potter movies! Or, dress like Harry Potter for EVERY movie!

will the husband wear the apron in the future
   Sure! If I ever get married, I'll totally make him wear an apron when he's bad.

lots of lint sweater after every wear
  Sounds like you have yourself a VERY cheap sweater, I would get rid of it post-haste!

world's girliest boy

  Is it Johnny Weir?

what shoes did zack morris wear
   Without actually googling this... I'm gonna guess white high-top Reeboks? I guess it depends if we're talking the Miss Bliss years or the college years...

i hate the negative temperature
  Me too! OMG! We have soooo much in common! You like to whine too? NO WAY! We should totally hang out! TTYL!

Let's play with Google Analytics (part deux)

If you don't know what that means, go here for enlightenment. I've been meaning to do this for, like, ever...

i got nothing in heaven
Hmm, well apparently you have Google in heaven, so you know, there's that.

sore puffy "red elbow"
Ugh, don't remind me... mine is crazy hurting again, but I have an appointment with an orthopedist at 7:40am on Monday (which I stupidly scheduled SO EARLY on my DAY OFF)

vintage italian silk pegasus vest

Yep, I got it and you can't have it... mythical beast, mythical vest

what to wear for yodeling
this? or this?


cliff diving and wearing a cup
This is SO OUT OF THE REALM OF MY KNOWLEDGE IT'S INSANE. Google, how did you point this person to my blog and why do you hate them so much?

did ginger from gilligan's island wear anything but a dress?
I don't think so?? I know she wouldn't have dared to try to pull off shorts, standing next to Mary Ann, that would just be pathetic.


facts about people who don't have nothing to wear
They are probably nudists or indigenous peoples?

help me im being killed
Um, I would go with 911 over Google for this one. Really hope you survived.

hates packing
Don't we all? Grrr... maybe if I had these suitcases I would like it more?


i have nothing to wear to rave
Really? People still go to raves? Please stop raving.

i like wearing dresses and im a boy
Cool. Thanks for letting me know... is it hard to find ones where the bust isn't all saggy and sad?

i'd rather be riding my bike
Me too... spring can't come soon enough!


i'm a spaz
Geek, Dweeb, or Spaz? (Does ANYONE get that reference?)

i'm being killed
Still??

is kate spade still cool
YES! YES! Although I don't know if cool is the right word for it, it's too precious to be cool...

knocking on heaven's door sexy nurse
What in the world do these two things have in common? Really? Please go away.

modest body paint halloween
MODEST BODY PAINT... you sit in the corner and think about what you just said and when you are ready to admit your mistake, you can rejoin society.

permanent ankle chains
would probably be a bad idea...

sexy camping wear
also a bad idea, coverage is key, mosquito bites are decidedly unsexxxy

totally obsessed with this girl that likes me
i do not, in fact, like you. Please stop obsessing.

what does it say about a person: fake lint picking
WHAT? like someone picks a piece of lint off your sweater, but the lint isn't actually there? Again, I am confused? This is a real problem?

how to look gorgeous for a guy when you have nothing to wear?
I am a huge fan of white t-shirt, black skirt. So simple and elegant (provided you own a perfect white t-shirt, sans stains.)

how to wear military inspired jackets
here's a few of mine!


knocking on heavens door o baby i'm 90's
I do love me some '90s... but that song is waaay older than that... I'm sure there were a few shitty covers of it made during the '90s though.

make the boy wear a dress
I used to do this to my little bro all the time... got the photos to prove it but won't put them here... although I don't know if "make" is the right word, he seemed pretty in to it at the time (you know, being like four and all)

making maude lebowski's viking outfit
I did it! Make sure you don't lose a digit while sawing the plastic bowling balls in half, otherwise it's easy! Plus, now I can wear the hat while watching the Minnesota Vikings football games to be super obnoxious!

matador vest
Looooove mine, go get one!


maxi dress gross
Not true, you're gross, gross-face.

nothing on heavens store
Hmm, I never thought about heaven having stores... clearly they will kick ass, everything will fit perfect, and all of it is freeeee!

redhead skirt
No, sorry Mr. Margiela. Not gonna sell you my hair to make a skirt.

sally peanuts pink polka dot dress
Yeah, Sally Brown, Charlie Brown's little sister - she wore a pink polka dot dress? You want to make something of it? On an unrelated note, it would be pretty cool if your name was Sally Peanuts.

theleggingslady.blogspot.com
I hope this isn't real. I'm scared to check.

volunteer guilt
Yeah, I felt pretty guilty about the things I have when I came back from volunteering in a Dominican orphanage... it's not a bad thing... it really makes you grateful for all the little things in life that are really huge in reality (constant access to safe drinking water = amazing!)

walgreens poofy skirt
I'm pretty sure Walgreens only sells crazy t-shirts with graphics of wolves and I don't know, a horse running through a stream? And fake Crocs... but poofy skirts? I don't think so.

"i have nothing to wear" sjp
I'm pretty sure Sarah Jessica Parker has never had "nothing to wear." In fact, I suspect her closet is just a wormhole into the Vogue closet.

"minneapolis is the best city"
Duh!

everything is hilarious
I know! Sometimes I think of really funny things when I'm driving and then I just look nuts to the max, giggling alone in the car!


jobs for ladies to have nothing on
Hardcore stripping? Waitress at a nudist colony?

no dress partygirl
Tara Reid?

something from nothing science experiments
Mold?

the mayors of sexytown
MayorS? Plural? I share the title with no one.

cutest baseball players
Hmmm, little known player, but I'm gonna go with Kevin Slowey (he's a pitcher for the Twins and I never really thought much about him until I saw him at the season kickoff last year in an oxford shirt and crew neck sweater. Ok, maybe he can be co-mayor of sexytown.) Honorable mentions: Denard Span, Joe Mauer

can i wear a dress to school on my birthday
Sure! Why not? Why are you Googling this?

crazy fan wearing nothing
Oooh, a streaker! How exciting! I've never seen one in real life! Are you sure he wasn't wearing a flesh toned body suit like George Costanza?

cute sexy creative rave outfit
Gross. And no such thing.

do guys like daisy duke outfit
Most of them, probably.

a cute tiger pajama birthday cake
I am pro-cutetigerpajamabirthdaycake. Wait? Tigers in pajamas? Girl, you crazy.

wierdly cute things
Thank you Google! Here's two weirdly cute things:

let's play with Google Analytics!

Ok, so in like January or so I finally set up Google Analytics for my blog. I love it. My favorite part is where it shows how people got to my blog. Some came on their own because they know how awesome I am, some came by a link off someone else's slighty less awesome blog, and some came here through the magic of searching Google. Oh how I love all the beautiful little weirdos out there. In the spirit of that, here are some of my favorite search terms (Am I pretty much ripping off Winona and Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey? Yes ma'am.)


crap i have nothing to wear to work tomorrow, can't figure out what to wear to school tomorrow , "nothing to wear" t shirts , going to my friend's house! have nothing to wear? , i have got nothing to wear , i have nothing in my wardrobe , i have nothing in my wardrobe what can i wear to party , i have nothing to wear and no money, any ideas? , i have nothing to wear help me find an outfit , mondays blues, nothing to wear , oh no i've nothing to wear, and my TOTAL FAVORITE OUT OF THESE, nothing to wear very hot boobs too
Ummmm, there are like 100 variations of people wanting to know what to wear when they have nothing to wear... maybe I should actually address this problem and do a post on this topic... I've let you all down :(

tranny cruise
Hmm, if these actually exist, I'm THERE!

im itchy
When I was itchy, it was due to Vicodin, so maybe you should sit around looking at style.com and critiquing designers

nothing but lint blogspot
close, but clearly you are looking for an inferior blog, I would never wear "nothing but lint" and neither should you

"five ants" tattoos
yep. got 'em. on my foot.

"fu h1n1"
really? someone was looking for that exact thing?!

"investors in sunglasses"
I only rock the cheap ones. And the thrifted ones. I also don't think you should invest all your money in Sunglasses Hut. Maybe a nice tropical beach hut instead?

"like what you like"
Always a good idea, I hate it when I like things I hate.

"not bad" boots
My boots are more than "not bad", they are amazing, epic, legendary, and well, good.

adam sandler lunch lady inspiration
Yeah, I rock a lunch lady dress sometimes.

awesome worthless advice
Are you looking for that Baz Luhrmann sunscreen song? Cause that is full of awesome yet worthless advice.

boyfriend makes me wear sunglasses when we go out
Is this out of concern for your vision and your eye's exposure to UV rays or is he just a dick? Either way your boyfriend can not "make" you do anything, so I suggest you don't "make" yourself listen to a douchebag. "Make" yourself a cocktail, then "make" like a tree and leave.

cute outfits to wear in vegas
no. such. thing. Skanky? Trashy? Like you just rolled off the couch in a trailer? Yes. Cute? No.

fancy pants adventure coolstuff.gr
I don't know what this is, but it sounds pretty neat. I hope you found your way there.

free science experiments
My favorite as a kid was one involving making your own rock candy. Big jar of dissolved sugar + string + time = science candy. Deliciously smart.

futurelint.blogpot.com
I do not blog about pot. Or on pot. Or about pots. But I guess the same is also true about spots.

how do you wear boring shirt
You don't. Use that boring shirt to clean out your bird cage and go buy a shirt that is chock full of excitement. Buckle up.

how to have a quirky style
Be born me. Wear quirky things. Repeat for 27 years. Boom.

i take my ice love with you
What? Are you in love with a yeti?

i wear too many necklaces
Yeah, some days, I do too. It's okay though, I think it's a fine look and an easy way to add interest to a boring outfit. However, I usually just wear this one every day.

my elbow exploded
I am hoping yours exploded like mine exploded, and there was not some sort of a firework incident.

pardon me do you have any cheap yellow mustard
No, no I do not. Mustard is the worst condiment ever. I do have a lot of cheap mustard colored clothes. You may not borrow them or put them on hot dogs.

pretty granny tranny
Yes, yes I am.

puke in boot and wear
I do not in any way endorse this activity. I think it will smell. Bad.

poto poto five minutes
I will not "poto poto" for any minutes until you tell me what it is! And where that word appeared on my blog!

the 2009 has been the year
the yes the it the has!

the important stuff about ice cream
Um, that it's tasty, that it's cold, that it's a dairy product, that it's not a very nutritious breakfast, and that if I eat more than a few spoonfuls I want to die.

what to wear to circus
I think the style at the circus is pretty laid back, I think you're fine going with a t-shirt and jeans. Especially if you're gonna ride the elephants before the show. I do love to dress like the ringmaster though! See? See?

what to wear to the woods
A waterproof jacket, layers and bug spray?

what to wear to see fiddler on the roof
A yarmulke? I wore the outfit on the right. Say hi to Topol for me!


And finally, GOOGLE ANALYTICS, WHY DO YOU HATE ME?


my boyfriend is amazing and i feel like i have nothing

im shallow worthless and have no life

Really Google? Really?