"" FutureLint (I have nothing to wear!): cute things vs. shallow guilt

Thursday, July 9, 2009

cute things vs. shallow guilt

Tuesday, Hmm, was going to put this up on my etsy, but I think I'll hang on to it for a while. I enjoy being confused with a picnic blanket.

Dress - thrifted
Shoes - thrifted Deegow Boutique

Wednesday, an old lady at Kowalski's asked me where I got these shorts and then told me I looked very "Hollywood"... erm, what can I say? I like to look glamorous while buying nectarines? Personally it makes me feel like a child. on a farm. 
T-shirt - thrifted and I don't know if you can tell but there is awesome crochet detailing around the neckline and sleeves
Overall shorts thingies - thrifted
Shoes - thrifted

Ok, for those of you who just came for the cuteness portion, class dismissed. Time for a rant n' rave...

Hi, my name is Christine and I'm a guiltaholic. Seriously, I am a Good Person. I am honest, I am trustworthy, I will help you if you need it, etc! But I am plagued by guilt. Every day. Over nothing. I am watching CNN and things OTHER PEOPLE did are making me feel guilty. I had four beers while watching the Twins game last night = guilty today. I no longer have time to volunteer = guilt. I finally have a day off (well, except for my disabled client Daniel tonight) and I am blogging and fooling around instead of getting to my to-do list. Guilt. I don't know what it is... I just feel like I ought to be doing more. better. And I know, I do, that I am only 27. And have a fabulous job that is helping kids live and learn better. And I have owned my condo for four years. That I have two degrees. That I improved the lives of disabled teens and their families for years. That I have volunteered in impoverished countries. That I am an upstanding young adult (and not a drug addict, or a racist, or a thief, or an alcoholic, or a violent person, etc). Still, guilt guilt.

Whew, I am hoping that writing that out helps me feel better... I'm in no way a perfectionist, far from it. I'm pretty meh - good enough... it might be a genetic thing... my mom is a total worrier and my sister has been on anxiety medication for years... sometimes I think (and this is going to sound really pretentious) that I'm too smart for my own good. I read too many books. Know too much about what is going on in the world. Seen too many things working in 3rd world countries. Know I need to live my life to it's fullest potential because of all the people I know who don't have a working body. or mind. or the ability to put those things to work. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I will persevere and continue running around looking for cute little things, I just needed to get a little bit of that out.

Thanks dudes.


Sal said...

Oh lady, I can definitely relate. Weirdly, what helps me most is to think about what I’m grateful for. Part of the reason guilt overtakes you is that feeling of a vacuum. If you can remember how rich and full your life already is, that can help plug up the vacuum. Works for me anyway. Wish I could hug you, my dear!

elena-lu said...

i totally am the same i am a very "sensitive" person and am a crier! but usually i have a good cry and then see how blessed i am and how much time i am wasting by feeling bad that it kicks me in the butt and i stop it cause i dont have time or energy to waste nope! oh and those overall shorts thingies are the bomb!

Sher said...

I want your picnic blanket!

I don't watch the new, so I can be in denial. Is denial any better than guilt. Nope it's worse.

There is only so many hours in the day. And there is only ONE you. And you do so much more than any person I know. {hugs} Hope you feel better after venting. I know I usually do.

Jess said...

I can completely understand the guilt and the worrying- I do that as well. Drives my poor husband nuts sometimes :P

It's not really something you can turn off, but hopefully it will consume less of your days! Not that I have any advice on how to accomplish that, although I feel less guilt nowadays. Not sure what changed- I think I just eased up overall. Less tense, less stressed, less worried, less guilt.

Anonymous said...

i love love love that picnic blanket dress!!!


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